Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I do! Don't I?

It's February 29th. Apparently I'm supposed to propose to himself today because he hasn't gotten round to it yet. He hasn't gotten round to doing the garden either but I'm fecked if I'm going to do that for him too!

Twitter this morning was swamped with pseudo-feminist tweets about how it's disgraceful in this day and age that we are discussing this whole women proposing to men leap year charade and women should be allowed to propose whenever they like. Now last I checked they were ACTUALLY allowed to propose however, wherever, whenever and to whomever they liked but it appears these grumpy tweeters have their knickers in a knot over the fact that the tradition still exists. I'm still of the opinion that it's "feminists" like that who give the rest of us a bad name. What's wrong with the tradition? It's not doing anyone any harm as far as I can tell and there is a certain sweetness to the whole thing. If you're into that sort of thing.

I'm not.

It's not for me. Not just the whole Feb 29th but proposing in general. Not a snowballs chance in hell I'd propose to himself, ever. I don't buy into the whole fairytale, Prince Charming, big white church wedding milarky but I still want to be swept off my feet. What IS the point in having cake if you can't eat it?

Now don't get me wrong, I do want to marry him and he's under no illusions as to the fact that he had better produce a ring at some stage (our daughter is about to turn 3). Though I can understand any hesitation on that part because if he picks out one that I don't like or worse is just truly shockingly awful then not only will there be no engagement but I might just have to leave him forever for demonstrating how little he actually knows me. That would devastate us both I'm sure. I've also found I have some pretty strong views on how I would like it to go down or more to that point how it SHOULDN'T go down.

They are as follows:
He cannot propose for Valentine's Day, My Birthday, Mother's Day, Our Anniversary or Christmas. There's just something about a proposal at a time when you normally receive gifts that seems to scream "I'd no idea what to get you so..." See, I'm clearly a hopeless romantic. My sickly sweet sentiments don't stop there. Another reason to not link a proposal to a life event is if the relationship goes belly-up I don't want to be reminded of that every year. Like a couple I know who had a Jeremy Kyle-style break-up and divorce who also had made the unfortunate decision to get married on her Birthday. Keep them separate people, neat and tidy. I also think that you shouldn't propose in and around other people's big life events. You don't want to take away from best friend's wedding, baby, new job, or indeed someone elses engagement by having your own newer news. It's from the same set of unwritten rules that says you don't steal baby names. It's just rude.

The ring (which if you're reading this Liam needs to be size: i1/2 - j) can't be yellow gold. I'm exceptionally pale and yellow gold makes me look like I'm terminal. I'd like the diamond itself to be man-made, manufactured, grown in a lab. I don't want to look down at it and every time wonder if someone somewhere in some god-forsaken country suffered or died for my pretty piece of bling. After that I'm pretty easy.
Once you get through all my terms and conditions, remembering of course to ask the bill payers permission first, I reckon I'd be pretty easy to propose to with just a little bit of military precision.

If he ever does get round to it, I'll let you know.

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